Hyperbole & a Half

Pretty sure I was going to try to keep this blog up regularly, but life definitely always gets in the way of my best intentions.

Instead of trying to update you on my life, this I found someone else who can do that for me:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html
(disclaimer: there is some explicit language...I didn't write it.)

So this is "adult Sarah" ...at work...pretending to be an adult...
Cheers!

Workn' Nine to Five

In an effort to maintain some sort of "professionalism" I don't make it a habit to talk about my job. However, some of my friends might be wondering what the heck I do during the 8+hours a day I spend at the "office."

First, I work for a consulting firm. I'm not sure why, but when I say that, people usually get really impressed. Sometimes I leave it at that and just pat myself on the back. More often than not, I modestly say something along the lines of, it's really not as cool as it sounds. Because it's not.

I'm not sure why, but Hollywood glamorizes the occupation of a "consultant." I think maybe it's the mystery behind the word. In movies no one really knows what the "consultant" does for work, and more often than not, they end up being a kill-for-hire or something (a la the movie Killers. side note: surprisingly not AS BAD of a movie as I expected...yet not a great one nontheless). But if that's the case, I definitely am getting jipped on the whole "consultant" gig.

Let me paint a picture for you: I sit on the second floor in a corner office. I drive a flashy, new white car that takes me to far-off business meetings. While I'm not at these glamorous meetings in my perfectly tailored power suit, I write marketing proposals to receive funding for various government entities.

[insert sound of vinyl record scratching to a halt on the turn-table.]

 HAH. Right. In my dreams. Actually no, in my dreams I think I've won the lottery, never have to work another day in my life and I've bought my own island to escape to. 

ALL LINKS LEAD BACK TO REALITY...

Really, I'm just working nine to five and paying the bills.

I may not be a blonde bombshell, but....

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." — Marilyn Monroe

Pirates/Bats/Peanut Butter

I shared my bedroom with my sister or random college roommates (that soon became close friends) for my whole life up until last year. I think I've gone through 30 some-odd room/apartment-mates in the short 24 & 3/4 years of my life. That's A LOT. I've had hilariously fun times, some less-desirable drama-induced time (imagine living in a cramped apartment with 5 other pms-ing girls...I dare you.), and lots of learning experiences (who knew a hamster could could escape its cage and chew a 2 ft diameter hole in the carpet?) Now, I have my own room AND my own bathroom (praise the heavens above!) But who knew there would be certain things I'd miss about sharing a room?

1. Someone to blame the mess on. (That would come in handy right about now since I haven't cleaned my room in about a month...woops!)

2. Someone to tell you if you talk in your sleep. (I don't!)

3. Someone to turn off the bedroom light after you realize you're waaaay too comfortable to get out of bed to do so. (Those are the times I wish I installed "clap lights")

Really what I miss about having a roommate is having someone there right when I wake up in the morning to tell my insane dreams to. I know lots of people say they "don't dream." But I heard once that EVERYONE dreams. It just depends whether or not you actually remember what you dream. More often than not I remember vivid bits and pieces of my dreams that make for hilarious early morning chats. Just this week alone, I've dreamed about gangster-ninja-pirates attacking my high school reunion (I think I still have three more years til that can happen), in a totally separate dream I was attacked by a bat and a net (ewww), and one of my old friends who I have no seen in quite some time had a strange obsession with peanut butter. Like he wouldn't go anywhere without a jar of it to eat with a spoon. Odd, yes?

One of my other favorite past-times is to look up the hilarious/sometimes-oh-too-close-to-true interpretations of my dreams. My favorite source is the ever credible Dream Moods Dictionary. Apparently the following things are happening in my life to make me dream about gangster/ninja/pirates, peanut butter and bats:

Peanut Butter

To see or eat peanut butter in your dream, suggests that you are having difficulties communicating your thoughts and ideas. It may also mean a misunderstanding; your words are coming out all wrong.  Oh boy...have you HEARD me talk about my job lately...?!

(Apparently Dream Moods doesn't get a frequent request for gangster/ninja/pirate dreams, so we'll settle for this:)

 Pirate

To see a pirate in your dream, signifies that some person or situation is adding chaos to your emotional life. You may feel that someone has violated your integrity or creativity. Alternatively, the pirate may symbolize freedom and one who defies authority. You may have desires to explore new adventures and take riskier ventures.  (That's my interpretation of choice.)

 To dream that you are a pirate, suggests that you are taking advantage of others. The dream may be a metaphor that you are "pirating" something and taking something that does not rightfully belong to you.

Bats

To see bats in your dream, symbolizes uncleanness, demons, and annoyances.  Alternatively, bats represent rebirth. You need to let go of old habits. Your current path is not compatible with your new growth and new goals. It may also mean that you are blindly entering into a situation or deal. You need to evaluate the facts more carefully. The dream may also been a pun on feeling "batty" or feeling crazy. 

To dream of a white bat, signifies death of a family member.  To dream of a black bat, signifies personal disaster.

To see a vampire bat in your dream, represents that a person in your life may be draining your of self-confidence and/or your resources.

According to Chinese folklore, if you see five bats in your dream, then it symbolizes good health, longevity, pace, wealth, and happiness.(Yeah...now that I think of it I TOTALLY saw five bats in my dream...)

 Mind you, I don't take dream interpretations seriously at all, but the definitely provide some much needed entertainment in my day every once in a while. 

What did YOU dream about last night?

 

RI·DIC·U·LOUS

Ridiculous.

Merrium Webster.com
Pronunciation: \rə-ˈdi-kyə-ləs\

Function: adjective

Etymology: Latin ridiculosus (from ridiculum jest, from neuter of ridiculus) or ridiculus, literally, laughable, from ridēre to laugh

Urban Dictionary.com

10. ri.dic'u.lous adj.
1. fitted to excite ridicule; absurd and laughable; unworthy of serious consideration; as, a ridiculous outfit or behavior.

2. involving or expressing ridicule; awful and unbelievable. His accusations were ridiculous and unmerited.

The level of service we received was ridiculous.

12. ri.dic'u.lous adj.

Downright foolish, wrong, immoral, stupid, and dick like. Ridiculous actions by guys often give us a bad name.

Asking a girl out, then changing your mind, so you deny it and tell her she dreamed it. This is ridiculous [because] she knows she [didn’t] and now knows that you think [you’re] dreamy.

4. Ridiculous

Ridiculous can be a very useful term. Instead of using words to describe an event, place, happening, or person with words such as crazy, amazing, unbelievable, weird, funny; ridiculous sums it all up.

"Watch this on youtube, this is the most [----] ridiculous thing [I] have ever seen."

"This guy is really ridiculous."

Person 1-"Jamie and Karen broke up, and now Jamie is dating her best friend Maria."
Person 2-"Are you kidding me? That's [----] ridiculous."

www.threetreesstudio.com

--------------------------------------------------------

I deal with ridiculousness daily. Most of the time it's the type of ridiculous that goes a little like this:
"Really...did she REALLY just say that?...AND she's getting away with it?!"

Just a few ridiculous moments that I'd like to share from a particular person that we will just refer to as 'JB.'

JB: "I'm filing for workers' comp because I walked into the door at work." This is legit.

JB: "I know I'm five hours late for work, but I had bugs in my bed." No need to bother with "The dog ate my homework anymore"...THIS is the new excuse of choice.

JB: "I can't make it to our staff meeting today. My sons have acting class and their father can't take them because...well...the boys don't like him." I think this goes along with her ploy to gain her fortune off of her children.

Sometimes I just feel the need to share the ridiculousness; it would be selfish of me not to.

Sugar & Spice & Everything Nice.

Is it possible to fall in love with someone you've never even met?

Pretty sure I'm in love with this lil' bundle of joy!

She is the closest thing I'll have to a niece for quite some time. Her mom, Raelene, and I have been besties since sixth grade. Little Emma and I even share a middle name.

I can't wait to meet her!


Emma Rochelle

365 Days.

It's been exactly one year since I've posted on this blog. Let's be honest...I forgot I even had a blog! So much has happened in the last year.

Where to start.

I fell in L.O.V.E with

Chipotle Steak burritos (with extra guacamole),

country music concerts ( LOVED Dierks Bently & Lady Antebellum!)

Big Star jeans (hate to say it, but they're 100% worth the big ticket price),



and Google Reader.
.

I had a few heartbreaks

friends moving,



career upsets,



and the local 7-11 no longer carrying Twizzler flavored slurpees.

But I'm here to say that I'm surviving. I take life a day at a time and keep my head held high.